Ten Feet Under
by Miss Peg
Summary: Ten years later and Emily is living her life; but what if her families belief that she wasn't gay made her believe it too? What if Emily had spent the last 10 years lying to herself? What if Naomi comes back into her life? Anything but happily ever after.
1. Living Underneath The Surface

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins, but Christmas is less than 3 months away... *nudge nudge*wink wink*

**Summary: "**Know you didn't bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down, Barely surviving has become my purpose, Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." (Lyrics by Blyss/Lifehouse - Storm)

**I hope that you like this story. ****A slight pre-warning, it is angsty.**** But I hope you will enjoy it all the same.**

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**Ten Feet Under**

_Chapter One_

The car park roof was deserted, it was always that way. No one ever took the time to drive all the way to the top floor, why bother when it was four floors away from the shops? Emily Fitch looked out over Bristol, staring across the river, watching the skyline she knew too well. She could feel her heart racing, that familiar movement inside of her chest. The first time she felt it she thought it was a sign of a heart attack. But seven years later it was still there and so was she. It appeared every day, usually when she drove up to the top floor of the multi-storey. She clutched the metal railing that fenced in the open floor. That heart beat sped up as she thought about what she wanted to do. Her fingers became discoloured, the grip so tight it was cutting off circulation in her fingers. She was about to lift her leg, to rest it on the first rung of the barrier, when a small voice shouted to her.

"Mummy!" it was more than a shout, it was a cry; a heartfelt, teary cry that brought her out of her dangerous thoughts and back into reality.

Her daughter was crying, begging for her attention from the car. She took a deep breath and let her eyes close momentarily before she returned to her child. She helped the toddler out of her car seat. She looked at her; stared at her features; so much like her own, so familiar that they made her want to cry. She loved her, she did. But sometimes love wasn't enough. She felt guilty for putting herself before her child, before both of her children. But that was where she'd ended up. It was how far she had come since she stopped believing that she was gay and started to believe what everyone wanted her to be.

*

If she could have gone home without returning the shirt that was too small for her, she would have. But the refund date was fast approaching and she knew if she didn't do it then, she never would. The person stood in front of her in the queue was tapping her foot with impatience. It was a small queue and they were second and third in line, stuck behind the slowest person in the world. Emily wanted to smile, but her depressed mood never allowed her the pleasure.

"I know how you feel," she mumbled, "I have to be at work in ten minutes and I haven't even dropped my daughter off."

The woman didn't respond, didn't even show that she'd heard her talking. Emily rolled her eyes at the woman's ignorance. Eventually the till was free and Emily stepped forward to get her refund. She didn't really pay attention, just went through the motions of the return then exit from the shop. She didn't even notice when she ran into the back of someone. The blonde hair was the same as the hair she spent ten minutes staring at in the queue. She was about to apologise, but the woman interrupted her, turning around swiftly, aggression in her eyes.

"Watch the fuck where you're going."

But then her eyes changed, they lit up and Emily could feel her body shaking. She knew the woman and the woman knew her. The woman's laugh reminded her of everything she wanted to forget, everything she had been trying to run away from.

"Emily Fitch," she grinned, wrapping her arms around Emily's shoulders with a confidence she didn't remember Naomi having.

"It's Coleman now," Emily's voice quavered, holding out her ring finger, hoping the physical image of the gold band would be enough to show that she was in fact living a life that neither of them expected.

"Wow," Naomi replied, the only word to come out of her mouth.

"How are you Naomi?" Emily asked, wondering why her heart was beating so much faster than it usually did.

"I'm good, I'm really good."

It was small talk; simple conversation about something that barely mattered. It didn't last long as Naomi made excuses about work. Emily accepted the exchange of numbers and promised to call with the hope of a future reunion. She watched her go, watched the blonde hair disappear from her life again. She glanced at her watch, wondering if it was okay to forget about work, being already an hour late with her daughter still beside her.

*

The house was quiet when she arrived home, her little girl running off upstairs with an urgency that Emily had never had. She tried to remember her life before, before the complication that was Naomi Campbell, but it was an impossible task. It was unintentional that their paths should cross on the same day that she had almost gone through with her plan. She tried to remember before her suicidal thoughts and found those memories just as hazy. She was supposed to be a calm and mature woman but she knew she was neither. The lounge was darkly lit, but she could make out her husband's form sat on the sofa, a game of football playing on the television.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice dry and broken.

"Day off, thought you were at work," he replied, glancing at her only momentarily before returning to the football.

"Didn't feel well."

It was a lie. It was usually a lie. She was never very good at lying as a teenager, the false words always made her blush or laugh. But as the years passed, as her life became more and more distant from the life she once imagined, she found lies easier to tell.

"Are you sure you want to marry him?" her mother had asked on her wedding day, there was no hesitation in her response, she'd rehearsed the answer so many times that it didn't feel comfortable, but it felt easily done.

"Of course, I love him."

She loved him. It was another lie. He always wanted her to tell him that she loved him and she complied, letting those three words fall from her lips. But what did it really mean? She cared about him, but love? She glanced down at the excitement building in his lower regions.

"Fancy some fun?" he asked, patting the sofa beside him.

"Charlotte's upstairs," she answered, her only excuse.

"So?" he grinned, "Makes it more exciting don't you think?"

"Clean yourself up, your daughter will be downstairs soon," Emily replied. But he already had hold of her arm and was pulling her towards him.

She let him do it, she always let him. Never instigated it, never took control, just let him dominate her with such submission that she knew feminists and probably Naomi herself, would fear for her womanhood. She thought of their first time. He'd been sweet, careful, like it was the first time either of them had ever had sex. She knew that he cared deeply for her, even if she didn't return his feelings. It was nice. That was the only word she had to describe it. It wasn't wonderful or amazing or even rubbish, it deserved no real adjective. As she let him do it to her again she wondered if he would finally be able to fulfil her sexual appetite, but as he reached his high, she knew the chance had fallen short, as usual.

*

The shower continued to drip long after she'd changed back into her clothes. It was one of several jobs around the house that she never got around to sorting out. She heard an exchange of conversation downstairs; pulled her shirt over her head before finding out who had turned up. She saw the red hair, heard the loud mouth and smelled the strong perfume before she'd even reached the lounge. Her sister.

"Finally," her twin gasped, wrapping an arm around her and kissing her cheek.

"What are you doing here Katie?" Emily asked, suddenly feeling tired.

"I came to see you, anyway Bobbie here was filling me in on the party I missed the other night, how is baby face James?"

It always amazed Emily how her sister could say so much in such a short space of time. She felt physically exhausted trying to muster a response.

"He's fine, disappointed that you missed him turning 21."

In true Katie fashion she barely blinked an eyelid at her brother's disappointment, just like she never thought it a big deal to miss the celebration of the birth of Emily's two children, or even the marriage that Katie seemed to have wanted to happen more than Emily.

"So I went out with Josh, I can't believe how hot he is. Ems he makes me horny just looking at me."

"My cue to leave," Bobbie announced, slipping out of the room.

It was ironic really, that she would end up married to a man that most people called Rob. Of course the moment Rob Fitch had met him, he insisted that he be the only Rob in the family and so christened her then boyfriend Bobbie instead.

"He was really gutted," Emily tried again, hoping to get some sort of emotional response from the woman that was supposed to be her identical.

"He'll get over it, anyway where was I? Oh yeah, so Cherise and I were talking and she says I'm so lucky to have him because his last girlfriend was an actual fact model; runways, magazine shoots, the lot."

Emily sat down, watching her sister with enough attention to learn nothing. She didn't want to listen to her usual droning, but Katie didn't know when to shut up. She thought again about the car park, about what she nearly did that morning and she wished that she'd actually gone through with it, if only to get away from Katie and her constant story telling.

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**Please leave a review. I put a lot of work into my writing and it's always nice to know what you guys think about it. If you enjoyed it, or even if you didn't, just drop me a line.**


	2. Eclipse Of A Good Day

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins, but Christmas is less than 3 months away... *nudge nudge*wink wink*

**Summary: "**Know you didn't bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down, Barely surviving has become my purpose, Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." (Lyrics by Blyss/Lifehouse - Storm)

**Thank you to those who reviewed the first chapter. I'm glad this story has so far gained positive feedback as without it there wouldn't be much point continuing. Enjoy the coming chapter. It's not the longest, but over the coming chapters I should be able to make them longer.**

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**Ten Feet Under**

_Chapter Two_

Sometimes she had good days. Days when the future didn't feel like a joke and the past didn't feel like a stalker. Days when the present didn't rely on what went before, or what would come after. It was days like that which really mattered. Days when she could be a mother, or a wife and not worry that she was going to do something stupid, like jump off a car park roof while her child was in the car only feet away.

"I need to make a spaceship for school."

"A spaceship?" she asked her eldest child; Lucas.

"Yeah, for an art project, it's about aliens," he grinned.

"When do you need this done by?" she questioned.

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" she asked, her voice growing frustrated, "And you're telling me about this now? Lucas!"

"I'm sorry, I forgot."

Sometimes she wondered if her children knew something wasn't quite right with her. They say that children pick up on things. But they also say that children are a product of their environment and they only know what is around them. She wondered if it was normal to them, how she was. It didn't feel normal.

"That's blue mummy, I want green."

The spaceship project was a task she was willing to take up. On a bad day she'd have made some half-hearted attempt to pass it off to her husband, or get her son to work on it alone. On a good day she'd happily take up the challenge and spend the time enjoying the seven year old's company.

"Hang on a minute; do you remember what I told you? Blue and yellow makes…"

"Green!" he grinned, watching as she mixed in yellow paint with the blue and the colour he wanted appeared in front of them.

By the early evening a spaceship was drying in the utility room and Emily had begun to make dinner. She rarely made a proper dinner. Usually she'd put processed meals into the microwave and serve them on plates to pretend they were home cooked. Lucas and Charlotte knew no better, but it was obvious that Bobbie saw through her act.

"A real dinner? Is it Christmas?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her neck.

Sometimes she'd laugh at his digs, sometimes she'd push him away and end up in the bathroom crying. Thankfully she found her lips curling and despite having no real passion for him on that particular day, she turned in his grasp and kissed him, letting him have a moment of fun with her body.

"I really should make sure I don't burn this," she finally spoke, pulling away and stirring the bubbling sauce in the pan.

"Spoil sport," he muttered, running his hands across her buttocks, squeezing them tightly.

"Oi," she squealed, hitting him with a tea towel.

It was the good days when she saw what other people did in their lives. The laughing, the cheeky looks or touches of a couple supposedly in love, the stolen kisses when the children weren't looking. Instead of capturing her attention as something she wanted more of, it made her wish she could feel happy at the moments that made other people's lives worthwhile.

"Phone," Bobbie called, entering the kitchen with the cordless and handing it to her.

She wanted to ask him who it was, she usually screened her calls in the hope of avoiding Katie when she was busy. But with the number of good things happening on that day, she didn't feel like blanking her overbearing sister.

"I'm making dinner Katie, this better be quick."

"It's not Katie," came a response that sent a shiver down Emily's spine.

"Naomi."

It hadn't escaped Emily's notice that she only really got calls from Katie. There was the odd call centre or bank call, but those things aside, her social life consisted of her sister forcing her way into her life and her husband. Hearing Naomi's voice was unexpected and unfortunately pulled the past into the present, causing what Emily called an eclipse of her good day, turning it dark.

"I was expecting you to call, it's been two weeks; I thought I'd look you up."

She didn't mean to not call Naomi. It was just that the thought of calling her would bring on a bad day and she tried to avoid purposefully creating them, when she had enough of them already.

"I've been busy," Emily lied.

"Are you still busy or do you have a spare couple of hours next week?"

It was hard to say. After all this time, after everything that had happened, Emily could still feel herself captivated by Naomi. She assumed that letting Naomi into her life would be the start of the apocalypse, the start of a life where bad days were all that she would have. She was scared to take the risk. But somehow she couldn't say no.

"I work everyday, on Tuesdays my husband picks the children up. I usually go to Katie's, but I can get out of it."

"Tuesday is good for me," Naomi replied, a thrill in her voice.

"Great," Emily sighed.

"Fantastic."

*

The pie she had been making was in the oven. It had taken a lot of energy to finish making the dinner. The call had taken everything out of her and she could feel her mood slipping away.

"Smells good babe," Bobbie announced, sitting down at the table beside her, "Who was on the phone?"

"Nobody."

"Didn't sound like nobody," Bobbie muttered.

"Call centre," she tried.

"On a Sunday?"

Emily nodded, "Can you check on it in ten minutes? I need a shower," she asked, not waiting for an answer as she disappeared from the room.

She didn't need a shower, but she took one anyway. It was one of the only places she could be truly alone. The steaming hot water ran along her skin, soaking into her hair and drenching her body. She had Naomi on the brain. She hadn't even told her husband she'd ran into her, hadn't even told him that she'd been her girlfriend as a teenager. As far as he was aware he was her first boyfriend and that was how they lived their life. She always thought Katie would rat her out and tell him the truth, but she knew Katie and knew that she was too ashamed of her sister's sordid past to ever tell her brother-in-law.

"Dinners done!" came a shout from the outside the bathroom.

She was supposed to join them. Even on her bad days she had dinner with the family. She'd learnt to mask it well, hiding behind well rehearsed sentences that fell easily from her lips. On bad days she barely ate a thing. It was something else she battled with. Something else she didn't talk about. She dried off and joined her family.

"Mummy helped me make a spaceship for school," Lucas announced.

"Did she now? That's great," Bobbie replied, ruffling his son's hair.

There was a smile on her face. A smile that made her family think that everything was okay. She once read that forcing yourself to smile would make you happier. If she had ever been part of a study to prove that statement, she would have proved it wrong. She smiled often. But rarely did she actually mean it.

*

"Kids are in bed," Bobbie announced, slipping a hand around her back.

"Dishes don't do themselves," she muttered, pushing him away.

"Forget about them, I'll do them in the morning."

"In the morning we'll have more."

She pushed him off, keeping him at bay long enough for him to grow frustrated and disappear into the bathroom for a stupidly long time. She wondered if he thought about her, or if he had some younger, prettier girl in mind. It was supposed to bother her that he was probably thinking about some young, hot supermodel. But it didn't. She eventually went to bed. It was barely nine in the evening. Somehow it felt later. The last thing she thought about as she lay in the dark was the call she'd had with Naomi. Tuesday was barely two days away; two days in which she could still go back to the top of the car park, two days in which she still had many hours to look down on the street below and decide that life just wasn't worth it.

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**I really love to read reviews, so please leave one and make a lonely writer very happy.**


	3. Wrong vs Right

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins, but Christmas is less than 3 months away... *nudge nudge*wink wink*

**Summary: "**Know you didn't bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down, Barely surviving has become my purpose, Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." (Lyrics by Blyss/Lifehouse - Storm)

**Thank you to everyone for your wonderful comments, I appreciate each and every one of them. I have now come up with a complete plan for this story so I know exactlt where it's going and how to get there. Which is how I have a third chapter now when there was a big gap between one and two, lol.**

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**Ten Feet Under**

_Chapter Three_

Three hours remained until Emily was due to meet Naomi having left work early with a migraine. The day had so far been a bad one. She'd woken to her son being sick which changed the whole day. Normally she'd have taken it off work and taken care of him, any excuse to avoid another mind-numbing day at the office. Instead she'd called her parents and her mother came over to sit with him.

"You look tired love," her mother had stated, pushing her hair behind her ear.

"I'm fine," she'd replied, answering the same way she always had.

According to Jenna Fitch, Emily always looked tired or on the verge of a cold or something. So many times she wanted to tell her that it wasn't sleep deprivation, or being sick that made her look that way. It was life.

*

The top of the car park was deserted, as it usually was. It made Emily feel comforted knowing that no one was there. No one knew what she wanted to do, or could stop it. She was in control, complete control over the result of her existence and it was a thought that only made her feel better. Cars travelled back and forth below, a woman with a pram dropped a bag and almost tripped over her own feet retrieving it, a man with a walking stick hobbled along and two children were laughing at him. Life was tedious and her observations only supported her thoughts. In an ideal world she'd have jumped months ago, years ago. But something had always pulled her back from the ledge, kept her standing there longer than was possible for someone who actually wanted to go through with it. It didn't stop her from thinking it and as the three hours slid by, Emily barely noticed the sun beginning to set until a vibration in her pocket pulled her from her reverie.

"It's seven twenty," came a voice, that familiar voice that belonged to Naomi; that made Emily feel like jumping, but also stopped her.

"Oh," she whispered into the phone, "I'm running late, sorry, I'll be there in ten minutes."

*

The evening began with a hug. A simple connection of two old friends reuniting properly after ten years. The restaurant Naomi had chosen was small and intimate, one that in any other reality, Emily would have enjoyed to share with a romantic companion. Conversation was almost non-existent until the food arrived and they finally had something to break the ice.

"It's good," Emily muttered, though her appetite was anything but suitable for the large portion.

"I come here a lot, it's my favourite place," Naomi offered.

It was awkward and difficult. Naomi kept looking at her, as though she expected Emily to start the conversation. It had never been her strong point and she simply looked back, bewildered. There was nothing she could think of to say and nothing she wanted to hear about.

"You have a daughter?" Naomi finally asked, referring back to their first meeting.

"Yes," was all Emily could muster.

"How old is she?"

"Three."

"Is she an only child?"

Naomi was trying, but the painful look on her face suggested that she wasn't enjoying making conversation with someone who wasn't willing to give much back. The food in front of Emily had such a strong smell that made her want to vomit, but she moved her fork through it, making it look like she was interested in the meal.

"I have a son too," Emily offered, forcing words out of her mouth.

"How old?"

"Seven."

"Wow."

That look in Naomi's eyes mirrored the one she'd had when Emily informed her she was married. It was glazed and somewhat judgemental. It didn't escape her notice that Naomi was probably doing maths in her head, figuring out that she had her first child at just twenty-one; being pregnant barely two years after they'd been together.

"You're married to a man, right?" Naomi questioned, prompting a slight nod.

There was something significant about the question. Naomi's initial reaction had been obvious. But it suddenly occurred to Emily that Naomi hadn't been sure and that maybe she'd been thinking about it the whole two weeks since they'd met.

"Do you have a husband or a boyfriend?" Emily asked, filling the silence that followed the previous discussion.

"A girlfriend."

A girlfriend. Naomi was gay, or bisexual at least. It shouldn't have been a surprise after what had happened in college. But it was. Naomi had been the one who wasn't sure, the one who struggled to accept that she cared about Emily, or any girl for that matter. She thought about the Love Ball and regretted it instantly when her chest tightened and tears threatened her.

"I didn't realise," she mumbled, taking the smallest bite of her food as possible, forcing herself to swallow.

"Had to accept it some time," Naomi answered, smiling. "Didn't expect you to be waving the straight flag."

"I'm happy," Emily defended, her usual answer to a very different question.

"I just didn't see it happening, you were so sure in college," Naomi muttered, looking best pleased at being shot down.

"College was a long time ago."

Naomi shook her head, "Ten years isn't that long."

"It is for me."

The two women stared at each other and Emily could feel Naomi noticing her for the first time. Her red hair was dull and lifeless, nowhere near the shining glory she'd had in college. At just twenty eight she was still young, but the years had aged her beyond her years. It was a surprise when Naomi's eyes grew red and she frowned at Emily with a look of guilt and sorrow.

"This," she began, rubbing her eyes, "You're not the Emily I knew."

"People move on," Emily replied, taking a deep breath to push down the tears that were again threatening to surface.

*

The street outside was cold and wet from an evening of rainfall. Emily instantly regretted parking her car so far from the restaurant when Naomi offered to walk her there. The rest of the meal had been almost silent with many looks being passed between the two of them. They eventually reached Emily's car and it was a blessing until Naomi opened her mouth.

"Are you bisexual or did you just jump back over the fence?"

It felt invasive and wrong for Naomi to be questioning her after everything she'd been through in their earlier years. It wasn't any of her business anymore. It hadn't been any of her business since the day she didn't turn up to the Love Ball and Emily's ability to admit her sexuality had been torn up.

"I'm not gay," she replied, a well rehearsed answer that had only ever stayed in her mind.

"I don't believe people turn that kind of thing on or off," Naomi responded, doubting her answer instantly.

"It's true."

But it wasn't. She couldn't think that way though, or she'd break up inside and everything would fall apart. It was easier to want to throw herself off a building than have to face what she knew deep down was true.

"I guess I'll see you around," Naomi smiled a weak smile and turned to walk away.

The arrival of the blonde in Emily's life had brought on the prospect of continual bad days. It was like she controlled every inch of Emily's emotions when she'd appeared back in her life. Only, having spent the evening together, for once Emily didn't feel like she was having a bad day. She'd ignored the truth and lacked appetite, but those few short hours in Naomi's presence made her feel considerably better. If she thought about her family, it made things worse. But if she singled her thoughts to her and Naomi, there was an overwhelming urge to return to the life she'd once known.

"Naomi?" she called, prompting her old friend to turn and face her.

There were tears in Naomi's eyes, distinct droplets of liquid that slid down her cheeks before being brushed away. Emily couldn't understand why she was crying, or why Naomi's tears made her want to sob twice as hard.

"I lied," Emily continued.

It didn't really matter what she'd lied about or why she'd done it. It made her heart race as she moved nearer and Naomi took steps to close the gap. Emily's singular thoughts imagined Naomi in college, imagined the one time they'd slept together as teenagers and reminded her of everything she'd ever needed to be happy. Nothing stopped her in the moment she cupped Naomi's face in her hands, or as she'd reached upwards to those soft lips that were a perfect fit.

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**I hope that you'll review this chapter, I'm interested on feedback for this story because it feels like I'm writing it differently to how I normally write stories, more angsty, if at all possible.**


	4. Not So Straight After All

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins, but Christmas is less than 3 months away... *nudge nudge*wink wink*

**Summary: "**Know you didn't bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down, Barely surviving has become my purpose, Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." (Lyrics by Blyss/Lifehouse - Storm)

**Thank you all for the wonderful comments. I actually thought I'd uploaded this chapter, but think I was just trying to decide whether it would fit in alright or not. Apologies for not getting it up sooner. Also sorry it's not very long, I can't seem to write long chapters with this story.**

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**Ten Feet Under**

_Chapter Four_

It's not something she expected in a million years. Her mind was telling her that she wasn't this person anymore, that she'd moved on from what she could only call her "gay phase" because trying to distinguish it as anything else made it more than she could handle it being.

"There's a hotel," Emily was whispering, completely contradicting everything she was thinking.

"I," Naomi wasn't so sure, her hesitation speaking volumes whilst Emily's head, though extremely messed up, felt strangely clear.

"You can't deny you want this," she filled the silence, the only true words she'd felt all night.

There was a look of defiance in Naomi's eyes, she was taking her time to answer, appearing to work things out in her mind before letting her lips curl and her fingers clutch Emily's. There's shaking and it's difficult to establish if they're Emily's or the girl she thought she'd never be doing this with again.

"Are you sure?"

The question was brief, in between kisses, in between clothes being removed and bodies being pushed together. It was ignored as actions spoke louder than words. But in all truth Emily wasn't sure, but she couldn't stop herself and something inside of her was taking over her ability to think. It all happened so quickly and though it should have felt wrong, Emily knew that it had happened for a reason. She'd hidden away her feelings for years, not once letting herself admit that she needed something other than her husband. But having Naomi return to her life had broken it somehow. She couldn't deny anymore that she was unhappy with her past choices because no matter how many times she'd denied her sexuality as a teenager, she had never been able to deny it in front of Naomi.

*

Eventually Emily couldn't deny the things in her brain any longer and her husband and children came to mind, her parents, her sister, everyone who'd made her believe that the life she had now was the right one.

"You okay?" Emily nodded a response.

Lying in Naomi's arms was a mistake in every possible way. Except that it felt like the most naturally thing ever. It was hard to feel guilty when her dangerously fragile heart and mind were slowly repairing themselves with every moment under the pale woman's gentle touch. Years of sex with a man she had only lukewarm feelings for did nothing for her sexual appetite. Under the softer touch of a female, the only person she had ever loved, her body reacted in a million different ways as she was brought to a high that no drug had ever reached.

"You have a girlfriend," Emily whispered, making the already tense situation feel even more so.

"You have a husband and children," Naomi put out there, almost battling with her over the things they'd tried to ignore.

It was true, they had lives outside of the small hotel room, lives that consisted of more than homework and annoying parents. The secretive affair wasn't a teenage crush that would upset a few people, it was a dangerous game that could tear families apart. Emily's more than Naomi's. With every piece of her will, Emily could not find the energy to leave the bed, to leave Naomi.

"Not so straight after all," Naomi put out there, making Emily tense up in her grasp.

Straight. It had been a simple statement that Emily wished she could have felt comfortable with. She was straight. She was as straight as a tree that was sheltered from the wind. Only she wasn't. But the more she let her heart believe that, the harder it was to escape the fact that she lived a lie and always had.

*

It felt like a dirty, sordid affair when they left after only a few hours, replacing their clothes in a hurried motion. It was getting late and Emily knew that Katie wouldn't cover for her as she had no idea that she was anywhere other than her marital home. Bobbie was expecting her home, as he did every Tuesday after her evening with her sister. Even when she had good days, Emily didn't like staying up late because her energy levels were very low and had been since she'd given birth to her son. It had been a stepping stone between the past she'd pretended wasn't hers and a future she wished she didn't have and knowing that had knocked her down further than anything she'd faced before or since.

"Bobbie?" she called, entering the lounge where the television was still on.

He was asleep on the sofa. She turned off the television and rolled her eyes as she caught a glance at her husband's hand in his pyjama bottoms. Flashes of the evening, of Naomi's hand sliding down her underwear caught her off guard and she shook her head to push them away. Seeing Bobbie like that repulsed her and even though she was still straight and still wasn't anywhere near gay, she knew that it was and always had been just men that repulsed her. The house was quiet but Emily went upstairs to check on her children anyway. Her son was flat out in a similar position to his father, but thankfully looking more like a little boy than a vile grown man. The moment she entered her daughter's room the little girl rose from her sleep and reached out as she called for her mummy.

"I'm here baby," she smiled, wrapping her arms around her body and sliding onto the half-sized bed.

The silent room made her feel more comfortable in her own body and she noted how strange it was to enjoy silence rather than the constant conversations that some people felt the need to have. She didn't want to think about what she'd done any longer, opting to think of her child sleeping in her arms. Until a message roused her from her near-sleep.

'I didn't know seeing you again would be so fucking fantastic, or fantastic fucking ;) when can we do it again? Sorry if I made your life harder, N xo'

Each word made her heart twist and gave her an immense pain similar to the one she often felt stood atop the multi-storey. Naomi was sorry for making her life harder. It was a joke, it made Emily laugh and wonder if there was any possible way her life could have gotten any harder when she was already on the edge. Still, she texted back.

'You lit up a very dull world, but this can't happen again. Emily.'

Even after everything that had happened that night she fell back into her life like it was her favourite pair of trousers and she wondered, just for a second as her eyes grew heavy, if she'd dreamt up the whole thing as a way to escape her sorry existence.

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**I hope this chapter isn't too far out of left field. It felt right and I know it might be a bit soon and feel a bit wrong, but I think that's kind of the point. It's not right, but it's not wrong. Lol. Reviews please?!**


	5. Needing a Friend

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins, but Christmas is less than 3 months away... *nudge nudge*wink wink*

**Summary: "**Know you didn't bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down, Barely surviving has become my purpose, Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." (Lyrics by Blyss/Lifehouse - Storm)

**Thank you all for your reviews, I always appreciate them, every last one. Even the honest ones, haha. I agree, that text that Naomi sent was a little stupid rather, I'm not sure what else to say on the matter. It's difficult to fix it now that it's done and this chapter will probably make that text message just as stupid. So let's forget about the text and move on, lol.**

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**Ten Feet Under**

_Chapter Five_

Every once in a while Emily would have Sunday lunch with her parents, Katie and James. It was a formality that she barely cared for and usually tried to avoid at all costs. It was near enough impossible to say no to her parents, who were desperate to see their grandchildren. The only positive was that Bobbie sometimes worked on Sunday's and usually made a effort to do so when Sunday lunch at the Fitch's was organised.

"How are things with Bobbie?" Jenna asked, the rest of the family awaiting her reply just as keenly.

The answer to the question was a complicated one. Emily could have informed them about her mistake with Naomi, could have told them that she was confused and that she might have been lying to herself for ten years. But instead she just shook her head.

"Fine. Sorry he couldn't make it, he had to work."

"He's always working," Rob noted, taking a bite of the food. "Fantastic meal love."

"Yeah it's fucking amazing mum," Katie added, slurring her words slightly.

There was a usual routine that never seemed to change. It was a dead end and Emily wondered if the rest of her family noticed it. They'd arrive early to share a couple of drinks and by the time they were at the table Katie would be noticeably off her face. Sometimes Emily suspected her dearest sister had smoked a crafty spliff before arriving, which made her feel a little better about her inability to join in family time.

"Who you fucking this week K?" James asked, provoking a response from the parents.

"Don't be so vile," Jenna reprimanded.

"I'd rather not have the visual of my daughter, doing that," Rob muttered, rubbing his temples with a pained look.

The day wasn't too dark for Emily, but she recognised that it wasn't a good day either. Sometimes she was just stuck in a limbo where life was life and things neither excited nor worried her.

"Do you have to swear in front of the kids?" Emily muttered, pushing her food around her plate with little enthusiasm.

Once the meal was over Katie and James got into an argument as usual, a discussion about the treatment of women was usually the cause when James talked about his latest squeeze. Emily found it pretty ironic since Katie treated men as badly as their darling baby brother treated women. The kids were happy playing together with their grandparents. Emily watched her siblings for a few minutes before escaping to her old bedroom. She lay back against her bed trying to ignore all the thoughts in her head when her phone buzzed.

'Emily, I know what we did was wrong. I'm sorry for the message after, I know it was wrong. But I can't stop thinking about you. Call me, N x.'

There were a number of times since the night with Naomi where Emily wanted to call her, wanted to tell her about her desire to run away with her, escaping her shadow of a life. But she didn't have the energy or the courage to take a step like that, to change her life so easily, even though it was all she could think about. Emily glanced around her old bedroom, puzzled by how much it hadn't changed since she'd left it for university. She climbed off the bed and knelt beside it where she found the box she'd hidden from her family for years, except James who always seemed to find it wherever she tried to hide it.

"Such a long time ago," she whispered, rubbing a hand over the wooden lid and pulling at the lock.

It was easy to remember the code, after all this time it was still planted firmly in her brain. She opened the box and looked carefully at the photographs and magazines from her teenage years. A number of the photos were of a girl she recognised, but couldn't remember. They were of her. The happy her who had accepted that she was gay. For a moment she wondered if the person she had become could get away with being known as Emily Fitch because they were too dissimilar. She tipped the rest of the box out onto her bed and reached down to pick up an old packet of cigarettes she'd long since forgotten about. Everything else fit back into the box nicely and she returned it to it's rightful place, with her former self, before lighting up a cigarette and sitting on Katie's bed so she could smoke out of the window.

"Fuck," she groaned, breathing in the tobacco slowly, letting the legal drug travel through her body and relax her mood.

At college she didn't smoke. She didn't even know why she had kept a packet of cigarettes, except for maybe turning them into spliffs. But for the first time she felt reliant on the smoke travelling through her to settle what was left of her nerves. Katie and James were still arguing downstairs and she could hear her dad shouting at Lucas for something he'd done. In any other world her family would be a dysfunctional family, in her world, they were a curse. She'd not smoked a spliff in almost ten years, but as she sucked in the smoke, she found herself wishing that the cigarette was filled with more than just tobacco.

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Monday morning. The start of a new week, but with as little possibility as the ones before. Monday's and Friday's were usually the worst days. She hated the thought of returning to work and she hated the thought of a weekend at home. The car park roof was windier than usual, rain was pouring down, soaking Emily's clothes. She didn't care. For once she was thoughtless, all of the things that usually travelled through her head had taken a holiday and given her a break from the constant droning.

"Hello?" Emily whispered into her phone after retrieving the vibrating object from her pocket.

"Emily, it's Naomi."

"Oh."

"I need to see you, I need to speak to you," Naomi's voice was quiet and broken.

There were a million reasons not to meet Naomi, not to go back to a place where her head wasn't in control. She'd made a mistake and regretted it every waking hour, but the thought of not seeing Naomi again hurt just as much.

"Thank you for seeing me," Naomi greeted, her face anguished and red.

Emily shrugged, "I can't stay for long. I'm late for work."

"I know this is complicated," Naomi admitted, stirring a cup of coffee that had lost it's heat long ago. "I feel so bad for putting you in this situation with your husband."

It _was _complicated and though Emily wished to tell her she understood, she knew that Naomi couldn't say the same. Their lives were very different to the one's they'd led in college. Naomi had walked away from their relationship then and Emily had moved forward, realised that she needed to be with someone who wasn't a woman; who wasn't Naomi.

"I don't want to be here, I shouldn't be here," Naomi sighed, something catching in her throat. "I really thought I was over this, over you."

"You don't even know me," Emily informed her, knowing she was telling it to herself just as much as Naomi.

"I know, which is why this whole thing is so much more confusing. You're like a stranger and not just because of the years, I don't even recognise the girl I used to know."

There were things Emily was supposed to say, words that a wife and mother should tell someone who seemed to want to break up the family, that it was wrong, that it shouldn't and can't happen. The words, however, got lodged in her throat the moment she tried to speak them.

"I know that something is there, something's always been there," Naomi admitted.

Emily forced herself to speak the words she didn't even know were true, "Not for me."

"I'm not asking you to want me Emily," Naomi assured her. "I just needed to tell you that I can't do this as much you can't."

"And we had to meet to discuss this?" Emily questioned, letting her eyes roll upwards.

Naomi wasn't looking at her anymore, wasn't even there in the room, listening to the conversation. She looked like she'd barely slept, her face so twisted with something she thought looked like resentment and fear.

"I needed a friend," the blonde admitted.

"We stopped being friends a long time ago Naomi," Emily stated, wondering where exactly that had happened when they'd just stopped spending time together. There was no definite end.

"My girlfriend is sick, she has been for a while," Naomi continued, her eyes now glistening with tears. It was like she didn't seem to care that Emily didn't want to be there and forced her to listen. "She had a cancer a few years ago, I was there for her and we got through it, together. She goes for tests every so often and her latest ones weren't good. I have to be there for her."

The flood of tears appearing in front of her made Emily feel uncomfortable. Tears scared her and not because she didn't feel like crying every single day, but she'd stopped herself so many times that it felt wrong for anyone to let them fall. Every instinct was telling her to touch Naomi's hand, to reach out and comfort her in the way that she so obviously needed. Instead she sat back and watched.

"Are you okay?"

"No," Naomi sobbed louder.

"They're pretty good with cancer these days I hear," Emily muttered, trying hard to maintain herself.

"I'm not crying because she's sick," Naomi sighed, "I'm crying because right now she's at the hospital having tests done and I'm here with you."

Emily interrupted before Naomi could finish, "I'm sure you'll be there when you need to be."

"No, I'm here with you and all I can think about is being with you Emily, touching your face, kissing your lips. She's fucking sick and all I can think about is cheating on her."

It was like a light switched on and everything Naomi was saying was changing Emily's reaction, forcing her to move from her seat, to wrap her arms around the blonde's body. She knew that it was the worst thing she could ever do. Naomi was vulnerable, upset and broken and within seconds Emily's fingers were sliding through her hair, holding her so close she could almost taste the tears that were still falling. There were many directions that she could go down; some were right and some were so, so wrong. But there were two people in control and though Emily tried to tell herself it was wrong to do it, Naomi's lips touched hers and they were kissing again; tongues massaging each other in their mouths.

"We can't do this," Emily sighed. "I'm not gay."

The call fell on deaf ears. Naomi's tears were running dry and Emily couldn't quite understand why. But they were walking out of the café, running down the street with such haste that she couldn't even find time to think. Another hotel room, another bed, another mistake that felt so wrong, but again was slowly rebuilding Emily's heart in a way she didn't think it ever would.

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**I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Reviews please?!**


	6. What is the point?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins, but Christmas is less than 3 months away... *nudge nudge*wink wink*

**Summary: "**Know you didn't bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down, Barely surviving has become my purpose, Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." (Lyrics by Blyss/Lifehouse - Storm)

**Thank you guys for your reviews and to anyone who may have recently started ready, it's so nice to have people read my stories and I hope you all understand how nice it is to hear from you all!**

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**Ten Feet Under**

_Chapter Six_

Once a year on Bobbie's birthday they went out for a meal. He always complained, said he wanted his wife to cook for him and have the children stay at their grandparents. Emily instead insisted on paying for a meal. She didn't have much money; though Bobbie's job paid quite well, he usually took care of the bills. The amount of sick days Emily took it was a surprise she hadn't been sacked, let alone made any money.

"Happy birthday," Emily smiled, her fake smile plastered across her face.

There was a grin he used every year as they raised their glasses to his birthday, a grin that said he wanted sex. Most of the time she could keep him away, not shower for a couple of days to ward him off or put onions and garlic in the dinner to ensure their breath's stunk, sometimes even contemplated brushing her teeth with garlic butter just to avoid the unthinkable. On his birthday, she couldn't say no. She couldn't push him away and even if she did stink of garlic he'd have made himself so drunk that it wouldn't have mattered either way.

"They asleep?" he asked when Emily entered the kitchen.

As usual it was up to Emily to put the children to bed. The four pints Bobbie had at the restaurant weren't enough, he was chugging down another couple of pints, not caring that he was growing drunker by the second. There was a split second where Emily watched her husband, really saw him. She wondered if he was happy in their life, happy that he got to have sex once a month if he was lucky, twice in one week if it was a good one. The fact he had to drink until inebriation made her wonder if his happiness was as much of a front as hers and if he actually loved her enough to be able to have sex with her unaided.

"I love you."

Bobbie's words were small, passionate. He wasn't sitting anymore, Emily hadn't even noticed him move from his seat until she could feel his breath against her cheek. The rough, chubby fingers of her husband were resting on the side's of her, sliding her mouth closer as he breathed against her lips. Alcohol and tobacco, the disgusting mix of smells evaporating against her senses until she felt sickness in the pit of her stomach. She'd had sex with someone else. It was different now. Everything was different.

"Mmm," she tried to reply, the words she'd practiced so many times unable to fall from her lips.

They had always been a lie, she'd never loved him, not really. Why was it so hard to say them now? She couldn't understand why it was so difficult to use a phrase that had lost all meaning. The smell turned to taste, lips colliding in a one sided passion.

"Wait," Emily tried to push him away.

There was never any waiting with Bobbie, once she let him kiss her that was it, no going back. He kissed her again, gentle, soft kisses running up and down her neck. In any other world it would have been romantic, sexy. They were moving through the house, he was guiding her towards the bedroom, pushing her down against the bed until he was lay on top of her. The kisses moved to her collar bone, sending a shockwave down her spine. But it wasn't his touch that did it.

"Naomi," Emily mumbled, silencing herself with a quick, sharp bite of the lip. She drew blood, she could taste it in her mouth. She'd slipped up. Thankfully Bobbie didn't hear, didn't seem to pay attention to what she was saying.

The repeated kisses against her collarbone reminded her of Naomi's touch, the soft female kisses running along from her shoulder to her vocal cords. Two hands, ten fingers were running under her top, sliding up her waist, her hips until they were resting gently on her breasts. The material of her bra being tugged away quite roughly. The fingers were rough, but the more Emily thought about it, the harder it was to ignore the fantasy running through her brain. Naomi's fingers, Naomi's lips retracing the same steps.

"Emily, Emily," Bobbie screamed out, rocking back and forth against her, pushing himself closer to oblivion as she dreamt of Naomi's lips exploring the same place her husband was annihilating with rough, hard passion. Her body exploded in an orgasm, her first with her husband, her first since the only time she'd had sex with Naomi as a teenager.

The room grew silent. Bobbie's smelly, masculine body sliding off her and landed with a thump on the mattress beside her. He was warn out, was usually warn out after just one lot, was almost asleep within seconds as his breathing became steady.

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Cold water. It was a punishment, the cold, harsh spray of the shower hitting her skin. Emily had hoped for a hot shower to wash away the dirt she felt on her body. It wasn't Bobbie's kisses, or the juices he'd left between her legs, it was the distinct smell and feel of Naomi's fingers having taken over from her husband's. It should have been wrong, it shouldn't have been the thing to give her ultimate pleasure, but it did.

If she could have cried, she would have done. The stream of water confused her, made her believe that maybe she was crying under the shower's blasts. It was impossible. Tears hadn't fallen from her eyes in far too long. She didn't cry anymore, couldn't cry even if she tried to. Everything was so confusing. She hadn't felt such confusion for a decade, hadn't even thought about anything that wasn't her sorry excuse for a life, for the past ten years.

There were a number of times when Emily's sexuality was confusing. There'd be a person on the street who had blonde hair, or a weird fashion sense and she'd feel weird about her life. But the thought of it was too much and she'd end up on the car park, her ability to control her feelings even more diminished. Until she had processed the thought and logically locked it in a crevice in her mind, away from the part of her brain that admitted truths.

Now the thoughts were illogically trying to process themselves in her brain, forcing themselves to find a place that was right. But there was no longer a box for homosexual feelings, no longer a place for them to live. The little crevice of her brain was overflowing and for once there were thoughts in her head she'd tried to deny were there. It was harder to house them than she'd ever thought it would be, harder to acknowledge their existence. Her heart was supposed to be the one overflowing; family, friends and Naomi, all seemed to care. But her head was the thing that was exploding, growing too big for the small space it was in.

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The last thing that was supposed to happen was seeing Naomi again, being in the same small space as the girl that made Emily feel like her head was about to blow off. But it happened. The blonde had requested they'd meet and though it seemed strange to suggest it, Emily had asked her to meet her on the top floor of the car park. It was like a second home, a place she felt comfortable, where she knew it was her territory and not Naomi's.

"Nice place," Naomi chuckled, looking out across the city streets.

Emily shrugged, "It's quiet."

It was always quiet. So quiet that nobody knew she'd been stood there for the last hour staring down at the newly placed footpath below. It was a difficult day. Made harder by Naomi's need for her to see her. The car park was deserted, only two cars sat in the centre, barely parked at odd angles; car doors still open.

"We need to talk about us Emily," Naomi whispered, her pale fingers clutching the barrier between the car park and the space between buildings.

There was something powerful about being stood in the place Emily wanted to commit suicide in, something powerful about having Naomi stood beside her in the exact same spot, but having no idea what could happen, or what nearly did so many times.

"There's nothing to discuss," Emily assured her.

In her mind there wasn't. Everything that could possibly need discussing had been analysed in her head, brushed aside quickly and forced into the tiny spaces left inside of her brain. It was like spring cleaning, a brief shower had given her time to organise it all; to put everything into boxes even though each box was now labelled 'needs sorting' rather than being carefully organised.

"I can't do this anymore Emily," Naomi continued. "I can't ignore what I'm feeling."

"And what are you feeling?" Emily asked.

"I'm feeling like I'm living a lie, cheating on the only person who needs me right now. But I can't stop."

"You can do anything you want to," Emily sighed, her fingers digging into the wall until her fingers were growing painfully white.

"I want to kiss you right now."

She didn't know why she did it, didn't know what had happened that had caused her body to take control. The fingers that were recently digging into the hard wall were now digging into Naomi's cheeks, their lips colliding in a kiss so rough that Emily wondered if she'd hurt the girl she'd once loved.

"Don't," Naomi snapped, pulling back. "She wants me to marry her, my girlfriend; says it'd make her happy and I want to make her happy."

The revelation knocked her for six, made her feel shaky though the kiss with Naomi had already sent her body into uncontrollable shakes. Emily couldn't quite grasp what Naomi was saying, knew it was something she should really think about and understand, but she didn't seem to be able to.

"You're getting married?"

"I don't know," Naomi admitted. "This thing with us, I don't know what is happening Emily but I need to know if it's ever going to go anywhere. If there's a chance, if you are thinking about leaving your husband then I will break up with her."

"For me?"

Naomi rolled her eyes, "No, for me. I love her but I realise now I'm with her because I feel I have to be. We've been through so much and she relies on me."

Despite not being able to grasp an understanding of what was going on with her thoughts, Emily knew that Naomi was giving her a choice. A choice between being with her, being a lesbian and being straight. She'd been there before, been scrutinised for making the decision she thought was right when all along she made the wrong one. She was being given a second chance, the opportunity to revoke her past mistakes and bring herself happiness. The only problem was that things had changed. She had children for a start. They were innocent in everything, even Bobbie, he didn't know, it wasn't his fault.

"I can't leave him," Emily told her. "I can't just drop everything because you ask, I have children."

"They'll understand," Naomi tried. "You're not happy, even I can see that."

"I am," she snapped, felt the need to defend her life, regardless of how bad it really was. "I can't do it Naomi, I just can't."

A choice meant one or the other, not both. It was a strange thing to let happen, but Emily again reached out and pulled Naomi in for a kiss, felt the blonde's tongue react and massage her own in response. If Naomi didn't pull away, Emily suspected they would have had sex, again; made a mistake, again.

The deep blue eyes were staring at her with regret and sorrow, "You're a fucking joke Emily."

It was true.

"There's no future with you is there?"

Emily shook her head.

"What is the fucking point?" Naomi snapped, shaking her head and backing away.

Emily didn't move until she could hear Naomi's car engine begin to grow louder. She turned, her fingers still clutching the barrier, clinging on with comfort like a child with a teddy bear. She caught Naomi's eye, their vision locked together. The blonde pressed down on the accelerator and was turning the wheel, slowly moving away from her. With a final glance Emily stared at Naomi and whispered one final thing.

"I'm sorry."

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**This story isn't very long, is actually working towards it's end, only got another few chapters left. Please review!**


	7. Always Too Late

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins, but Christmas is less than 3 months away... *nudge nudge*wink wink*

**Summary: "**Know you didn't bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down, Barely surviving has become my purpose, Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." (Lyrics by Blyss/Lifehouse - Storm)

**Thanks for the reviews, so I seem to be on a roll with this story, the next chapter is as good as written so will probably be up some time tomorrow. Hoping to have this story completed by next week, fingers crossed as I do have job applications to fill in too so of course they come first.**

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**Ten Feet Under**

_Chapter Seven_

Another Tuesday. Another evening with Katie. Another day where Emily had called in sick, spent half her time atop the car park looking down on the world below. It was plain to see that Naomi had changed her, if only a little. Her thoughts had been less dangerous, her actions less risky. Being with Naomi, no matter how wrong, was a saving grace, a way to get through the week after a short meeting. She'd let her in, let her stand in her sanctuary, let her watch the world go by completely oblivious to what Emily often thought about in the same place. But then things changed. Naomi left, walked away and chose not to let Emily bother her life again. It was supposed to be the right decision, supposed to right all the wrongs she knew she'd made, but it didn't. It continued her lie. Continued the regret she didn't want to admit or accept.

"White wine or vodka?" Katie asked, holding up two bottles of alcohol.

Was it right that her only thought was the party she'd attended long ago with Naomi, the party where Naomi stood in a similar position, alcohol in her arms. The thing that followed was a kiss, several kisses. A statement "you're gay" and an agreement.

"None for me thanks," she whispered, wanting anything that could remind her of Naomi to be as far away as possible.

Katie sat down. A glass in her hand. It was supposed to be void of Naomi, supposed to be easier. But it wasn't. The biggest reminder of all was sat next to her; clutching a glass and sipping it like it was the last glass in history and needed to be savoured.

"You're quiet tonight," Katie muttered.

It was ironic really that Katie should notice her silence, her lack of interest in conversation. She was always quiet, never bothered to talk, just listened to Katie moan or talk so fast she could barely keep up. It wasn't Emily that was unusually silent, it was Katie.

"Why are you?" she replied, not really wanting an answer, just pushing the need to answer from her shoulders and onto her sister's.

"Bad day," Katie informed her, letting the rest of the glass disappear into her mouth, contradicting her previous slow drinking.

"Talk to me," Emily muttered, resting a hand on Katie's arm.

It had been a long time since she'd told her to share her life, instigated a conversation with the usually talkative twin. Katie was always fine and when she wasn't she never told Emily, never let her in on the issues in her own sorry existence. Their lives had taken a turn at some point. Emily suspected it was the day Katie told her to forget about Naomi, to find a nice man and move on with her life. Somehow they didn't talk anymore. Katie talked, Emily let the words disappear into the atmosphere. Neither of them questioned how far they'd got, or why they even bothered spending time together when it was so useless.

"Quit my job, lost my friend, lost a really great guy," Katie told her.

There were a number of jobs Katie had over the years, Emily tried to remember which one it was that her sister was talking about. Realised how stupid it was that she didn't know, had never really remembered the job that Katie was currently in. Nor could she work out who the friend was, or the man. She wondered if the three things were connected. But like their relationship, she didn't question it out loud, just let the usual silence take over.

"Fucking hell Emily," Katie snapped, pouring herself another glass. "Not even going to say anything?"

She'd noticed. She never noticed. "What is there to say? Life's a bitch."

"Life's a bitch?" Katie asked, her eyes barely showing through the frustrated slits, her teeth clenched. "What is wrong with you?"

"I'm sick of people wanting something from me," Emily told her, not sure why she said it. Hoping it wouldn't open a whole can of worms but suspected she wouldn't be able to stop it if it did.

"I don't want something from you Emily, I want you to be my fucking sister like you always have been."

"Like I always have been. Just like Naomi wants me to pretend to be who I was in college and Bobbie wants me to be a perfect wife."

The things she said weren't really saying too much. She suspected that's why she'd chosen to say them. They told Katie she was angry, without telling her she regretted every single thing she had ever done. The now wide eyes staring back at her made her realise just what she'd said, just what she'd admitted to the one person she shouldn't.

"Naomi?"

She stayed silent, busied herself with a thread on her coat, which she hadn't even taken off. Regretted it instantly when the thread created a small hole and silently wished she actually knew how to sew.

"Naomi fucking Campbell?" Katie tried again, her voice deep and low, aggression seeming to take over her previously calm exterior.

"Yes."

There was no denying it, no pretending it wasn't the truth. It was too late now, had always really been too late the moment she'd told Katie that she was right, that she wasn't gay.

"Are you seriously telling me that you've gone back to that fucking life?"

"I just met up with her, for old times sake."

"So you fucked her?"

It was so blunt, so simply put and in the light of day Emily knew how stupid it was, didn't really need her blind sighted sister to tell her that is was any number of ways wrong.

"You have a great life, you fucking messed it up," Katie shouted, taking the moral high ground despite having dated many married men and plenty just unattainable.

"It's not like that," Emily tried. "You don't understand."

"No Emily, you don't fucking understand. You have everything right now. You were doing so well. You can't go back there, you can't fuck it up for someone who will just leave you."

There were a million and one replies, but none of them seemed good enough, none of them could truly justify anything.

"You have everything," Katie shouted again, repeating it with such force that Emily wondered if her sister felt more connected to Emily's life than Emily did. "Some people would kill to have a life like yours."

The magic words, the words Emily knew were the sum of their relationship. Katie didn't want Emily to be happy, never really wanted her to have the life she did because she wanted it all for herself. Bobbie was never her type, even if she'd liked men. Katie had pushed her away from Naomi so that Emily could have the one thing Katie was too scared to take for herself. For the first time Emily actually saw her sister, really paid attention to the person who effectively ruined her life. The only irony being that she'd ruined her own in the process; knocked Emily down so much that she could rely on her and never truly be who she needed or wanted to be.

"It's not what you think," Emily tried to defend herself, the words falling on deaf ears.

"You're having sex with a woman, you're fucking straight Emily. You always have been and you always will be."

Katie had said it before, whispered it when Emily had been upset over Naomi, shouted it when they'd had a fight. It had gone into her brain, pushed itself into the space where she previously thought she was a lesbian and fought tooth and nail until her homosexual self was cowering in a corner, kept back by the threats her straight self made. For the first time in her whole life Emily's gay self was fighting back, had been given a courage boost from the few short moments with Naomi. She didn't really know the blonde anymore, didn't really have the same connection they used to have, but she still felt like she could be a different person when she was with her. She'd been in love many years ago, would have told Naomi so if she'd have turned up at the love ball, would have had a different life where she wouldn't have been able to breath without Naomi by her side. It wasn't the same, they both knew that. But somehow they both knew they could rip their current lives in two just to be together. Emily didn't see it before, thought it stupid to want to be the person she was deep inside, now knew it was okay to want Naomi more than her husband. She felt strength in her thoughts, a strength she wished could make everything alright. She was still broken, still thought every day about ending everything and the thought of breaking up her family for a woman she barely knew made her want to stand on top of the car park and finally throw herself off. The strength made her feel ready to tell Naomi though.

"I have to go," Emily told Katie, not listening to her continual speech about gay people and Emily being straight. The red head stared at her, didn't really respond, just shouted after her to not do anything stupid.

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The multi-storey closed in the evening. Otherwise she would have spent the last few hours, she was meant to be with her sister, there. Instead she drove through Bristol, down country lanes until she ended up stood in the middle of a clearing by a lake. The memories of her first sexual experience with Naomi, with any girl, filled her surroundings; how she'd stripped off and jumped into the lake, splashed around with Naomi; suggested blowbacks by the fire they'd built; been surprised when Naomi had been the one to kiss her, an 'experiment' that led to Naomi leaving. She'd been scared to care about Emily, scared to just want her and Emily had been so sure. Things were so different now. It was late, getting really quite late. It didn't stop Emily from phoning Naomi. Waited for a few moments for the blonde to pick up and almost regretted it when someone else answered.

"Is Naomi Campbell there please?" she asked, hoping to sound professional, to avoid creating suspicion with, who Emily could only assume was, Naomi's girlfriend.

"Hello?" a groggy voice answered.

"Naomi, it's Emily."

"Oh," her voice grew stronger, Emily could almost sense Naomi's whole body waking at the knowledge of her caller. "This isn't a good time."

"Don't marry her," Emily interrupted, a whole speech in her mind prepared.

"Can you call back in a couple of days?"

"I will do it. I'm ready to leave him, my husband. We can be together."

"Seriously," Naomi snapped. "I'm getting married tomorrow morning. This is a really bad time to call, I need to go back to bed now."

There was nothing else she could say, nothing else she had planned to say. Naomi had changed her mind, changed her plans because Emily had rejected her. The line went dead. Naomi didn't want to hear any more. It was over. Emily slipped her phone into her pocket, sat down on the cold, hard floor, shifted about until her head was resting on her arm. She didn't want to go home, didn't want to face her life, or her family just yet. The car park, the only place she had felt any connection to wasn't an option. The clearing was the next best thing. She curled up tightly, holding her knees in her arms, squeezing herself into the foetal position and wondered if the only time she had ever felt like a whole person was the last time she had been curled up so small, in her mother's womb.

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**I hope you're still enjoying this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it, please review...I'd love to know what you think of it.**


	8. Mistakes Will Pay

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins, but Christmas is less than 3 months away... *nudge nudge*wink wink*

**Summary: "**Know you didn't bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down, Barely surviving has become my purpose, Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." (Lyrics by Blyss/Lifehouse - Storm)

**So it appears it's a little quiet this weekend, or not as many people are reading this story, which is fine. Lol. It is Halloween though, so I suspect some people are having spooky fun. Thanks for the reviews! This story is coming to it's conclusion. This chapter wasn't the easiest to write and next, already been written, was just as difficult. I hope you enjoy.**

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**Ten Feet Under**

_Chapter Eight_

The house was too quiet, it was barely five thirty, barely daylight. Emily didn't want to lie to her husband, despite everything, she didn't want to have to do that. It was easier to just come home, pretend she'd slept on the sofa. She went straight into the kitchen and made some tea, needed a drink to warm herself up after an unsettling night on rocks and dirt. The tranquillity of the house was deafening. A space that should have felt comfortable, should have felt nice with such silence, felt instead like a suffocation. The house wasn't a home, it was a representation of a life she didn't want anymore, had never really ever wanted.

"Morning," Bobbie announced, not even noticing the fact she was sat in yesterday's clothes, her eyes looking tired and sleep deprived. She wondered if he ever noticed her, ever realised just how she looked. It wasn't the same as how she did the day they met, she wasn't even that person anymore. Her dreams for her life, her faint feelings for women that she tried to push to one side, but ultimately she'd still felt excited to make new relationships. It was so long ago, felt so long ago. But really it was just ten years, a decade, which in a lifetime was only a small portion of life.

"Bacon sandwich?" she asked reaching into the fridge, he nodded and she started to make his breakfast as she did so many times in a week.

She was ultimately a housewife that worked, it was a role she'd never imagined for herself. At university she'd chosen history, knew there wasn't really many specific jobs relating to the degree, when she dropped out it didn't really matter, her life was already planned.

"I have to go soon," Emily informed him, "Can you make sure the kids get to school and nursery?"

Bobbie let out a deep sigh, placed his mug of steaming hot coffee on the counter with frustration. "It's half term, I thought you took all week off?"

"Oh, I forgot," she mumbled, wondering how it was possible to forget something that was already halfway through.

"I can't take them," he told her. "Yesterday was the only day I could get off. I thought I told you this."

"You did," Emily sighed. "I'll sort it out."

*

The drive to the registry office would have been simple, if she didn't have her kids in the car. Lucas kept complaining, wanted to go to the park, the zoo, the cinema; said she'd promised they could go and so far they'd done nothing. She felt guilty, knew she didn't feel it badly enough for a decent mother, for someone who actually wanted to make her children happy. She wondered why she didn't feel that way, tried to remember a time she'd ever really felt that way but couldn't. She was by definition a rubbish parent.

"We'll go to the cinema later, right now I have to speak to someone."

Right on cue that someone turned up. Naomi climbed out of a car, her arm tucked nicely around someone who looked pale, had a hat covering what Emily assumed was a lack of hair. Naomi turned around, a bright smile on her face, her teeth and hair shining from the sunlight. She looked beautiful.

*

The steps of the registry office were only feet from the car, she was only leaving them in there for a few minutes; her children, only leaving them long enough to get Naomi back. Emily walked towards the happy couple, a smile planted firmly on her face.

"Congratulations," she announced.

The blue eyes, so familiar, looked at her in horror. Naomi's eyelids so wide it was unnatural.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, turning away from her sick bride.

"We need to sort something out," Emily told her. "Just five minutes. Please."

"Nai?" the other woman asked, her voice as painful looking as her complexion. "Who is she? Are you going to introduce us?"

"Em...ma, Emma this is Claire, my soon to be wife. This is the person from work who rang last night."

The lie looked like it hurt Naomi and for a split second Emily felt guilty. She was breaking apart so many peoples lives, trying to change so much for so many.

"I just need to deal with this, it won't take more than a few minutes," Naomi whispered to the woman, rested a hand on the base of her spine so carefully.

"Shall I meet you inside?"

"Please," Naomi smiled. "I don't want you getting sick because of this."

The woman smiled at her, told her it was fine. They shared a small kiss, so small that Emily could feel the emotion between them. Naomi might have been ready to leave Claire not long ago, but Claire obviously still felt very much in love.

"You can't do this," Naomi snapped, her fingers clutching Emily's arm so hard that it hurt. "You can't be here today, you can't do this to us. It's not fair. It's too late."

A desire to be with Naomi sent her head into a spin. She couldn't leave without Naomi, she couldn't get through another day without some hope that her life could get better. She wouldn't give up.

"I'm going to change things," she told the blonde with a smile, ignoring the frown looking back at her. "I'm going to leave him, I'm going to do it so we can be together like we always should have been."

Emily reached up, pressed a hand against Naomi's cheek, could feel Naomi's body shaking under her touch.

"Don't," Naomi pulled away, slipped out of Emily's fingers, her voice calm. "Have you done it?"

"Have I done what?"

"Have you left him? Have you ended it?"

"Not yet," she promised, "But I will."

"Did you have the chance between realising we should be together and now?" Naomi asked, her voice maintaining a level of calm.

"Well, yes, but I will tell him the next time I see him. I will."

"In my experience, if you're serious about something you remove all obstacles before getting peoples hopes up."

It confused her, she couldn't quite understand what Naomi was talking about. They were meant to be together, they always had been. She was promising to change everything, but Naomi wasn't accepting it.

"But I love you, I want you," Emily tried.

"Loved, Emily," Naomi mumbled. "You loved me back then, but I'm different now, we're both different now. I doubt that you're ever going to do it Ems, I really don't think you have what it takes to break it off with him."

"But I will," she tried again, feeling excited, an emotion she hadn't had in a long time.

"But you haven't already and that's what matters the most."

"She doesn't make you happy, you don't love her," Emily told her, trying to find another way to get Naomi to agree to stop her wedding, to be with Emily.

"That is none of your business Emily. But for the record love isn't everything. I may not be head over heels for her, but we're happy, we care about each other and that's what matters not false promises and secret meetings."

Naomi's speech was making her feel weak, even more confused. It wasn't supposed to go this way, was supposed to work out. She'd thought it through, she'd made her decision. It was a kick in the teeth and Naomi wasn't even done.

"I really wish I hadn't bumped into you recently Emily, if I'm honest, I just wish we'd never met."

"You don't mean that," Emily cried out, trying to avoid the tears she could feel building up inside.

She pushed them down, always had to stop them because they wouldn't help, wouldn't change a thing that was happening to her, wouldn't make Naomi love her like she wanted. Her legs were growing weak, her heart beating so fast. She wondered if she was having a breakdown, if her heart was finally breaking in two. She felt sad, which seemed strange. She hadn't really felt anything in so long. The floor was the only thing she could look at, wouldn't dare look up through fear of what she would do, how she would react if she saw Naomi's face staring back at her.

"If it's any comfort," Naomi began, her voice laced with tears, "I did love you back then. It took me years to realise it, but I really did love you."

The space in front of her was vacated. Naomi had gone. Emily waited for a while, waited until she was sure Naomi was no longer outside. She could barely move, she could barely speak. Everything she thought was going to happen wasn't. She turned around, looked for her car, wondered why it was halfway down the road. Rolling halfway down the road, moving faster and faster as it picked up speed. She suddenly remembered her children were inside, found herself worried that it wasn't her immediate thought; suddenly felt the fear she suspected most parents felt when they knew their children were in danger. Emily froze, couldn't move, couldn't contemplate what was actually happening until her feet kicked in, sending her down the steps and across the pavement chasing the car, watching in horror as it smashed into a number a parked cars on the side of the road.

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**Thoughts? Please.**


	9. Giving In

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins, but Christmas is less than 3 months away... *nudge nudge*wink wink*

**Summary: "**Know you didn't bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down, Barely surviving has become my purpose, Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." (Lyrics by Blyss/Lifehouse - Storm)

**So the thought of leaving this any longer when it's been written for over 12 hours, I just had to post it now. Thank you everyone for your reviews throughout this story. This has got to have been the hardest, riskiest story I've written. It's been a challenge and it's been a tough one. This is the final chapter.**

**WARNING: This chapter contains scenes which may be distressing, I apologise.**

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**Ten Feet Under**

_Chapter Nine_

The hospital corridor was near enough deserted until several people appeared, were almost running down it with shock and confused faces. Emily stood up, watched as Bobbie moved away from the group, he stopped. It was like a showdown, she expected music and for Bobbie to reach into his pocket and pull out a gun like the old western films.

"What happened?" he questioned, the moment they reached her, his arms moving around her to provide little comfort.

"The car," she stuttered, "It, I was and it, I was outside trying to and they think Lucas pressed the handbrake."

"Calm down," Bobbie smiled, rubbing her shaking arms.

She didn't deserve his comforting touch, didn't deserve the concerned looks from her parents and sister. It was only a matter of time before Katie would tell them about Naomi, or Emily herself would find the courage to tell them what she was doing outside the registry office.

"Is Lucas okay?"

Emily nodded. She couldn't believe her daughter was safe, not a scratch on her, the small child now sleeping in her pram at the side of the corridor. Lucas hadn't been so lucky; he'd cracked his head on the steering wheel, possible internal injuries. They hadn't let her see him.

"Mr and Mrs Coleman?" a female doctor announced, a sad and concerning look on her face.

"How is he?" Bobbie asked, taking over the role that Emily knew should have been second nature, but had never been quite so embedded.

"Your son is very lucky, he's got a mild concussion but mostly it's a case of cuts and bruises. We'll keep him in overnight, but he should be able to go home tomorrow."

"Thank you," Bobbie grinned, "Can we see him?"

They were led into a small room, the doctor insisted on just the two of them, but when she'd left Jenna, Rob and Katie joined them. The room was filled with family, a family who cared about the car accident involving her son, a family who didn't notice the fact that Emily was permanently on the edge. It felt upside-down, she wished they'd care enough about her for just one moment. Wished they'd notice that whilst her son was lay in a hospital bed, she was breaking inside into a million pieces, beyond repair.

"Mummy?" her little boy gasped, waking up from a slumber, his eyes wide with shock and confusion. Emily moved to her son, brushed his hair from his bruised head. He'd called for her first. She didn't deserve that, had never been a good enough mother to deserve to be the first person he thought about.

"I'm so sorry," she cried out, her voice cracking with the onset of tears. As usual she pushed them away, kept them underneath the surface.

"How could you be so irresponsible?" Jenna finally asked, her pursed lips looking like she'd been holding back longer than she wanted.

"It was an accident," Bobbie assured her. "Just a horrible accident."

"In which my daughter left her children alone in the car," Jenna snapped, her eyes turning to slits as she glared at Emily.

An argument was the last thing Emily wanted. She deserved everything they were throwing at her, but she didn't want to deal with it now, wanting to delay it until her son wasn't in the room.

"She was just talking to the blonde woman," Lucas inputted, a small smile to Emily as though he was saving her.

"Naomi?" Katie gasped, "You were talking to fucking Naomi?"

"No," Emily tried. "It's not like that."

"Who's Naomi?" Bobbie asked, looking between the two twins.

"Naomi Campbell?" Jenna asked, her face growing pale. "You cannot be serious, Katie, what is going on? Emily?"

"She's been fucking her, that's what," Katie snapped, not being careful to reveal the truth, the look on her face quite spiteful as she informed Bobbie of the infidelity.

"What?" he asked, confused, hurt.

It wasn't supposed to end that way, he was never supposed to find out. When Naomi told her there was no chance, she'd hoped to return to her life, put the stupid affair behind her and move on. Probably would have let Bobbie get her pregnant again, just to give their lives 'more meaning', pretend that she actually had an investment in their future. It had been a selfish thought and when Bobbie looked at her, with a look of sheer sorrow and pain, she knew that he actually cared about her and had never really deserved anything she'd put him through.

"I," she tried, her voice growing difficult. "I'm sorry."

Nobody jumped in to defend her, nobody seemed to care to give her any support and she knew it was her own stupid fault. The four faces staring at her all looking completely shocked and surprised by the events, her son looked completely confused, didn't seem to know what was going on. There were so many things she should have done, so many things she could have tried to say, instead she gave her son a hug, kissed him lightly on the cheek and apologised again, before leaving the room.

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Under all other circumstances Emily would have gone to the multi-storey and passed the time with thoughts as she stared down at the ground below. It was on the other side of town, felt too far away to go to with no car. Instead she opted for the hospital roof, the entrance labelled staff only so she knew she wouldn't be disturbed. The cool, fresh air hit her instantly, a relief to her body which was burning up with regret and guilt. Unfortunately she wasn't alone, had not been alone for quite some time as her sister's hands pushed her shoulders with aggression.

"What the fuck are you doing Emily?"

"Taking a break," she sighed.

"From fucking up your entire life?" Katie snapped.

"No, that was you," Emily tried.

"I didn't do the deed, I just reported it. You fucked up."

Emily turned to face the hospital grounds, resting her hands on the concrete wall, "I was dealing with it fine before you jumped in."

"I was trying to protect you,"

Protection. It was a funny thing. Emily had spent the last eight years protecting her kids, unsuccessfully as it seemed after the accident. Jenna had spent the last ten years trying to protect Emily, to odd results.

"From what?"

Katie's voice was coming out with a mixture of anger and frustration, "Yourself, homophobes, anyone."

It was too hard to listen to Katie talking like she always had, acting like the protective older sister who was supposed to stop the bad people from hurting the little sister, who was always the weakest, never as strong.

Emily's voice was growing angry, ten years of frustrations exploding, "Who the fuck asked you to?"

"Ems," Katie whispered, cowering, not expecting Emily to shout so loud.

She wasn't done, knew she'd never really ever be done getting her anger off her chest, "No, you fucking fucked up my life."

Katie shook her head, "You gave in, this is your fault."

They'd never had a proper fight, they'd had little ones that consisted of hair pulling and arguing, but never really hit each other, or pushed each other with meaning. Emily could feel all the fights she'd ever wanted to have building up and she let loose, her hands digging into Katie's shoulders as she pushed her to the floor.

"You fucking bitch, you don't even understand do you? I want to jump off this fucking roof right now because of you, because of this."

The expression of anger on Katie's face turned to confusion, a look that worried Emily because she knew it could be her downfall, could stop her from jumping if she really thought about why Katie looked so sad.

"You have a good life," Katie snapped, "What the fuck would you want to kill yourself for?"

Emily's voice grew quiet, "Because it's not a good life, it's a lie, everything is a fucking lie. I'm gay, I am completely homosexual and you made me believe I would be happier being straight. Well I'm not."

Katie's eyes were growing wet, tears began to stream down her cheeks, "I was just trying to protect you."

"No," Emily screamed, reaching a volume she didn't think possible, "You were trying to protect yourself. Didn't want to associate with a gay person, didn't think your reputation would handle having a fucking gay sister."

"Ems, it's not like that," Katie sobbed, reaching out to touch her, but Emily pushed her away.

"What is it like then? What the fuck is it like? Tell me, you fucking tell me."

Katie couldn't quite speak, "I, I…"

There weren't really any words to be said. No matter how much her sister tried to deny everything, Emily could tell she felt guilty. She ignored it, had to not think about Katie's emotions, instead only thought of what was inside her own head.

"You can't, you can't fucking do it. You fucking tell me or I'll throw myself off right now, I will, don't think I fucking won't because I've been trying to do it for years. Now I've got nothing, so why not eh? Nobody's gonna miss me, nobody's going to miss the gay one, the one that lied to her husband, the one that had sex with a woman, the one that was trying to stop Naomi from marrying her fiancée who has cancer, while her son was playing in the car and nearly fucking killed himself. Go on, tell me what it's not like because I'm about to actually fucking kill myself here, unless you can tell me what it's like."

She sounded insane. It was obvious. If she'd been watching herself from a distance she would have happily called the police, an ambulance even. She needed help, she'd always needed help. Was never quite right anymore, had been a danger to herself and everyone around her for years.

Katie was looking sad, but she'd composed herself some, her voice was calmer, "I can't do that Ems, but I don't want you to kill yourself, you're fucking deranged."

She was deranged, it wouldn't have taken much to admit it, except that she couldn't. If she admitted she wasn't sane, she would have had to let her sister in, would have had to allow her twin to see the person she had become and that was harder to do than to pretend it was all in Katie's head.

"No, no I'm not. For the first time I see everything clearly. I'm gay and nobody loves me because of it, nobody wants me to be the person I am. Before I was so fucking alone, but at least I had people around me you know, people were there. Now they're not and I am alone, so what's the point? What is the fucking point of existing?"

Katie looked worried, extremely worried, "Ems, don't do this."

"Give me a bloody good reason not to."

It was wrong to put it on Katie, had always been wrong to make it seem like Katie was the only one who had done it to her. Her whole family had let her down, allowed her to fall into a life that wasn't even a fraction of the one she had at college. It wasn't fair to ask Katie to give her a reason not to jump when she knew full well she wouldn't be able to give her a good enough one.

"For me, for your kids, for mum and dad, they'll be devastated," Katie sobbed, tears flowing freely again.

"You've always hated me Katie, never been good enough have I?" Emily stated, her voice calm, controlled. "You're the best, the more beautiful, the one who looks better in all the clothes, the one who fucking treats me like I'm some doormat. My kids are better off without me, who need a gay mum to fuck up their lives anymore? I nearly killed my son after all. And as for mum and dad, they let you do it to me Katie, they let you walk all over me and they watched you every step of the way. They happily sat by and agreed with you when you bullied me into thinking it was wrong to be who I was and that I'd be happier if I slept with a man."

"Then what about Naomi?"

Naomi. She was a reason. She was the only reason she knew would have stopped her from going one step further than she'd ever gone before. But Naomi had knocked her down, was probably on the way to her fucking honeymoon and for the first time Emily couldn't see any future, couldn't see that things could be okay knowing she was there. It wasn't enough.

"No," Emily shook her head, "Not anymore."

The concrete wall was behind her, her fingers were holding onto it. All it would take was for her to turn around, to pull herself up until her feet were resting on it. She turned, her nails digging into the wall, her hands growing white from the tightness of her grip.

"Don't do it Emily," Katie was sobbing, crying uncontrollably.

Emily's head was shaking from side to side, she didn't even feel like she was in her body anymore, felt more like she was watching from the outside. A spectator in a sport, begging her body to stop, to climb down from the wall she was now stood on and to give her twin sister a hug. There were a million reasons why doing it in front of Katie was the wrong thing to do, it would effectively ruin her sister's life, would take away the only good pieces of existence she had left. Jenna, Rob, Bobbie, her children, maybe even Naomi would be effected. Emily had spent years thinking nobody cared, believing that nobody loved her enough in life. She wondered if they would love her more in death, suspected maybe it'd open their eyes to the pain she'd lived through. Katie's eyes were locked onto Emily's; brown on brown, the same pair of eyes they'd both inherited from their family line. Emily hadn't cried in years, almost ten. But as she stared at her sister, watched Katie's face contort with so much anguish, regret, sorrow and too much guilt, droplets reached her dry eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

The air hit her as she lay backwards into the wind, letting gravity take it's course. She closed her eyes, held her arms to her chest, felt free as she floated about in the air. It was almost over, her life had almost ceased to exist and though for a split second she regretted never saying goodbye to her parents, to the people who gave her life in the first place; regretted never giving Katie one final hug, regretted never telling her that despite the anger she felt she still loved her so very much. And then it was over, her life gone and she felt free at last.

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**For the record, I cried when I wrote it. I didn't see any other option. I'm sorry.**

**Thanks again for reading, for the comments...and please tell me how you felt about the end of this story, I really want to know how it felt for you, whether you thought it was right, whether you're sad, angry, etc. Please review, this is your last chance for this story.**


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